REminisceNce 4evER!

Finally….My BEst FrienD is GEttinG Married….Felt so happy for her. OncE aGain, Congrats to HEr (LydIa). yOu knOw when i Knew fROm her that she is gettinG married, can’t help buT feelinG LoST. I KnoW i Should be happy foR her …thaT’s needLess to Say ya. But knowIng she is going to MoVe on to a New phase in Her Life can’t help but to feel so mucH.

LydiA… Just wannA to Let you knOw that no matTEr where we are, hoW far we are from One AnotheR, I will Always be there for you JuZ when you needed me mOst ya. I feel so happy for you when u first introduce Jonathan to me because i knew from tHE start that he is goIng to be a Good Bf & of couRSe a Good husband to be ya. Thats Why i feel so saFe that your husband to be is hIm. No WorrieS on That ya.

KnowinG thaT you are goiNg to be Busy with YOur upcoming Preparations for YOur Big Day, dun Forget to take gooD caRe of urself ya… if u need any helP just feel free And Let me Know ya. Just Wanna let you knOw that no Matter what Decision you made or choose, you WOuLd defInitly Have my BlessinGS okieS!

Although Ur big day is just Next Year, it may seem a lonG way but no it’s actually very fast ya..just a blinK and its your big Day. Being Best Friends for so long, i Know clearly  in my heart thaT no matter you r married a  Not ..anytimE i need a listening EAr you woulD still be therE for me the same goEs for me to You ya.

LAst but not Least, tAke good care of your Health & if you need anything just give me A cALl ya.. i will help you ya… Promise me that you look good on that day ya …lastly congRats !

                                                                                       With LovE

                                                                                       VIrGInia

It’s FInaLly Friday 15th July! AnotHer Week passeD by AGain ..Isn’t It FAsT. I thinK iTSso fasT. Hmm, FOr me i am STill in The proCEss of LookinG for A suitable joB for MySELf nobody buT myself…haha

hMm …hoW do I DEfinE suitablE? i guESs a Job that is noT faR away fROm my HOme sweet hOme…offERs a pay THat aku deserves…it’s ok i am A Cheap Labour buT not Too Cheap lah if nOt whaT for i STudy diplomA correcT a not. hmm…FLeXiblE houRS loh anD moST imporTANTlY A NIce ENVIRONment whereBY collAeagUes are niCE, friendlY and harMless.

PRoCEss of FindiNG a job REally suckS loh that’s whaT i can SAy. u can bE goinG for Tons and Tons of inTErview but Ultimately u Can ended up noT gettinG any thEM…baD right the feelinG is juSt so horriBLe and GROss.

anYwAY i hopE i can FInD a JOb soon Lor..reaLLy soon if noT everydaY staY at hoMe also Do nothinG pretty Bored leh.

On thE 13th July 2005, a MemorABle daY to whIch A seNse of SAtisFAction & haPPinEss wAS filleD in ME! PherHaps to OthEr it Was Juz a common DaY buT it NeveR wAS for ME!

HaVing COmplETEd my ITE couRSe after whicH i wENt a STep further to Pursue my DIplOma in my BiZ stuDIes COurse …sOmeThinG thaT i reALly dESired in My liFE. ThinKinG baCK to My polY life…i wOuld SAy liFE is so Full Of ups & dOwn. REally….

I WAs Never REally Happy in My firSt tWO yeaRs of Poly Life…neVer haD i Ever feLt the senSE of BetrAyal comIng towaRds mE …buT i evenTually knOw hoW o felt unTIl noW i CAN’t neVer forGEt …thANks to the Two perSOn whO lEt me Seen ThrouGH thEIr reAL facEs…ESpeCiaLly onE of Them whom I nEVEr thoughT who woulD do thAt to me when i FElt closeness to Her …weLl maybe she dun Felt the sAMe! But who CAres! buT thankfullY i still Have a bunCh of nicE frIends likE feliCIa, cheRRy, PeiyAN & maNy mOre who Stay ThrougH wiTH mE and i thANked them for that…nevertheLess i still my 4eVer supporTing frienDS & someOne deaREst to accOmpany my tHoughest TImE.

MY LiFE chaNgeD wheN i haD a neW grouP of CLassmaTEs in my SpecialIzation CLass TB11 …a CLass thaT i do noT really knoW them well buT a cLass thaT was so fuN…coS everyonE waS FRienDly & thERe was no competition..i muSt say it Was a liveLy CLass thaT brightenS up my Life….especiallY whEN i began to knOw LiNA & amy …theY are A grOUP on "ONs" peoPle loh…whereby we WEnT to eaT stemboaT and sinG ktv together…it WAs niCE…mosT imporTantly we crap like SIao, wE often help each othEr out loh in ouR studies esp durinG projECts hor.Hey thiS is wAt i call frIends. well also noT forgetting peopLe likE gladyS and Sharon whom WE woRK TOgEthER as proJEct maTEs ya…niCe workinG with u guYS.

In Life, meeTing diffErent kinDs of peopLE is a GREat challenge isn’t it..it all DEpends on HOw u waNt the FRIendship to bE…iT’s all up to u.thougH thE feeliNgs i HAve towarDs Poly CAN never be as memorAbLe as my ITE timeS but it STIll REmains speCIal in My heaRt …thaT’s foR suRE!

JUSt waNt to sAy to My FRiendS whom I GOt to knOw in Poly especially to My TB11….it Was nice knoWing u guyS and take GOod cARE & stAY in TOuch ya!

HuMan NatuRE is whaT i call it 2 Be…isn’t it? i guEss so maybE or iT may Not seeMs to be eitHer. 3.20am on a TuesdaY morniNg & i shouLd be In my DreamlanD of minE but i am Not theN whaT is my minD thinkIng of.

PerhaPs recaptuRIng some imAGEs & worDs thAt is flowing into my MinD, HeaRt & souL. thESe worDs becamE so painFul thAt i juSt had to take it iN no maTTer hoW much I wouldn’t wanT to.Been REadinG my JournaLs …REgArdlesS of who is IT from…my BesT frienD, buddiEs, even my loVEd onEs..iT doES not REally matter at ALl..reALly! EventuallY, the feeling of Lost, despair and sadNEss camE by & teARs floW dowN mY cheeKs …hoping tHat huRt will go By After a GOod CRy…buT it doesn’T seems to be so! Why??

NoonE caN eVEr tell u ur MistakEs & Faults thaT you havE committed onLy hopinG to realizE it urself & by tHat timE it’s simplY faR too laTE…isn’t thaT the cASe. it muSt be thaT way. MAny A timES, how i wished tiMe would juSt stoppeD at thaT particulAr moment withOut haVInG to think so mUch abt anytHIng, but Its neVEr possIble in realIty.

i trulY beliEVed in Life…somEwherE someDay theRE musT be thaT specAil Some1 whO will Be thERe in Ur liFE who LEavEs u somethiNG special..it MAy be juSt words, memoRies or even juSt a glanCe of thAt person…buT theN it SomehoW affECts u in LifE & u caN hardLy forGEt abt It.

EveN iF promiSEs thaT arE laid to u maY noT seems to bE fulfil buT somehoW it’s juST meaningful…at lEAst that’s hoW i feLt!

Even if that somEoNE tells u thaT he/ she wiLl neVEr evER leave u buT promisEs to staY witH u till ThE day he/shE dies…but ultimaTEly leaves u, it’s stiLl givEs u memorieS…a good waY to REmember that person i guESS!

EvEn if somEone onCE tells u how muCH their Luv is for u…u Had nEVEr onCE doubted theM until onE day they leaVEd u 4 good….at LEasT u knOw the Pain Of it.

EveN if OnE day you Are giVEn the ChanCE to see thaT someonE agaIn knoWing that it WoulD leave you in TEArs agaiN, ultimaTEly you wOuld still opted for thaT very one MomenT of chanCE juZ to be abLE to take a GLance off hiM knowinG thaT he/she is stiLL gettinG on weLl…at leasT u knoW thaT in  ur heARt he/she diD not MAke a wronG decisioN in leavinG you!

EveN if ONE finE day u FinaLly goT to knoW the REal reasOn for givinG u up…no MAtter how Much u wouLd like to haTe him/her somehow u COulDn’t DO so…at lEASt you knOw you Have tried.

In LiFE …thERE are just fAr too manY "eveN if" so whaT can WE do? ouR heaRTz aRE jusT so passionaTE, emotioNal abT onE anotHer thaT we can’t evEN beaR to hated onE anotHEr knowInG how painFul anD hurTFul it caN be fOr us!

TEaRS comES alonG when REgRETS, HappinESs happeNS being it gooD or bad…LEttIng GO happeNs when DEspaiR & DIsappoinTments fillS u up isn’T it so TRue! thAt’s hoW i feel!

No MatteR how LifE is meaNt for Us to be…we STill HAve to be BRaVe and moVEd on isn’t thaT so reasOn becaUse timE will nEVEr wait foR us. EvEn if i FeeL so tired and weARy, evEn if sun riSEs and Sun SETs daily..buT someThinG neVEr chanGE that is ouR identitY …who WE aRE….thE feelinGs We aRe borN with…with thAt i thankEd GOD for That for givinG me that STrengTh & will to moVe on in My dAily liFE, teAchinG & GuidinG me in thE correcT path to taKE and TO leaRn ….

WhenEVer u knOW thaT someonE cloSE to u is finaLlY gettinG marrieD, whaT woulD thE feelinG be? FinALly i got to REAlly Feel it….i guESs losT & envY is thE worD to Feel.

Isn’t it A GirL’s DreaM to bE abLe to Fit inTo her faVourtiE weDDing Gown WALkinG dowN the Aisle…i beLieVe the SAMe goes for EVery gIrl includiNG me ya…is the Same foR diaMonDs RingS righT!

WheN i gOt to SEe my FRienD ’s weddInG picTures in which hER weddinG wouLd be hELd in SEpt….it SeeMs so Far away buT to Her she feelS really happY & fortunaTE herSELf..noone Can undERstanD how she feelS.

A beautiFul liFe is SOmethinG that every Girl DEsires to ShaRE witH her SomeOne …somEOne who WOuLd be WIllinG to be WIth her REgardlEss of whaT happenS in thE lonG run, whethER is it goinG to be gooD Or bad…JuSt that SOmeOnE who will AcCompanY her till The very enD. For ME, thiS is How i feeL..up till Now.

But Sadly for me, i Guess it’s goinG to bE a LonG way or who KnOws i may not eveN havE the chancE to Wear the weddiNg Gown of my Choice.For mE , WeddIng is SomeThinG thaT i will wAnt to shaRe it with my lovEd onEs especiallY thoSe who have Been walkIng witH me throughouT my each & everY DAily lives.Is becAuse of u Guys..this IS where i aM.

Anyway JuZ wish the besT for ThAt friend of mine…ESther…wishInG her happinESs from noW.buT i dO hope thE neXt weddinG i GEt to attEnd woulD be none other thaN my bESt frienD onE.did u HEar thaT?

on A summER tuesday 5 julY 2005, liFE seems To Be so MoodY all Of a suddeN to me! At timES, liFe seems so losT at an instANt…thaT we do noT evEn know what we reaLly wanT & desirEd…isn’t It truE? i guess so!

hoW i wishEd my life is alL planneD foR me..all I neeD to do is jusT to folloW and nothing buT folloW without havinG to FEEl vexed abT whAt i shoulD do the next step in liFE and the Pros & conS…isn’t it Better thAt way? maybe …maybe NOt!

At SOmE poinT, i FELt so distancEd from my FRienDS they WEre the onEs who i feeL supporT, loVe & caRE from & thEy Are the OneS i couldn’T affoRD to loSe in My enTIre life. thaT’s hoW i feel.

My PerSOnalitY cauSEd me to isoLATed myseLf from thE others …afRAid of peopLe whom I do NOt know to shuNNed away FRom knowinG me BEtter.why am I like That? noonE knoWs! i m somEOne who Is afraid Of new things….ever chanGinG environment.

Why do PeoplE contraDict themSelVes in tHe WordS they useD to have SAid? becaUSe of fear is WhAt that keep them FRom lyinG isn’t iT? wHen is THe time That peoplE can be TruthfuL to themSElves & to bE faiR to ThemselveS ?

A BluE FRiDay 4 Me …somEonE liKE me whO is hanGing nowherE!hmm…u KnOw someTHing my beSt frienD, someHOw wheN u haVe complETe ur StudiES & it’s Time for U to reaLly givE it A Thought where is the neXt routE u r moving or what is it that u WanT next?

FOr u, u havE beeN ThrouGh it urseLf so u KnoW hoW it FEels righT? somEhoW aftER my ThailanD trip how i WIsh i neeD noT comE back u knoW….i ENjoy thE lifestyLe that peopLe are havIng in PattaYa so frEE and EAsy. TO mE, They DO not SeemS to have to WOrry abT anythInG in TheIr life. evERydaY to Them is so WELl PlaNNEd. It MAKes me REALly havinG to WOndER why ouR life hERE is so muCH diffeRent? eveRyone is forCE to worK in ORDEr to feND foR thEir own life…comPeTItion, COnFLicts arises so ofTEn.

SomETimes, thE thouGht of haVIng to steP intO the WOrkinG worLd scaRES me COmpletely u knOw. I do nOt knoW whaT will BEcomE of mE when i HAve to sTEP out to WorK…and hoW will workiNG liFE changeD me?

Life Is So ShOrt…is OnLy NoW then i GOt TO reAlise it u KnoW…weLl JuSt caMe bacK froM my 2nD ThailanD trip BefoRE i CAn REaLly seTTLe down to Find For A job.

hEY but i dun SEEm to Be lucky ..wHY? so TirEd of Sending Tons & TOnS of REsUmes buT eventuAllY dun SEem to be AbLe to get thE job i WANt.kinDa of SicK and Tired u knOw. thiS mADE me REaLIse wheN can I reallY finD a job? hmm…FEEl so loST and NobodY knoWS hoW i AM feelinG? reaLly!

i Kept TEllinG myseLf to BE stronG be conFIdent & to TRusT myseLf that i wIll bE ablE to find A joB sOon really SOon..buT somehow my COnfidence leVEl strucK mE thaT thinGs are goinG in mY way urh….mY hEArT keePs reminDing mE that i Can’t perForm anY job That is REquired of mE…lacK of thaT energy To Do anyThinG. AM i SO uSeLess? i GueSS so!

IdlinG aRD at HomE foR toO LonG makES someOne feel CLumpsy…stUpiD…laZY and MANY moRE. so STop AllowinG me TO idlE at HOmE all DAy …plS! CAn ANyoNe teLl me HOw to GET mySELf a JoB in The FASter TImE pls!

hmm….4.41pm, a day like 6 May 2005, How should i be feeling? REcenTly, My Best Buddy & i have beeN so into the LovE issUe ya, i suppoSed shE knoWS what am i saying?

I have always BeeN wonDEring whaT should MAde up A 100% Woman’s Heart? Issit love, self-ConfIdencE, beIng the PerSOn shE wanT to realLy be or what? i don’t really know and i guEss i will Never geT to knOw!

FOr me, i have beeN tryInG reaL haRd to learN to lovE & to loVe the persOn i reaLly yearn to loved..to Me that’s somethiNg so wonDerful. iN life, how manY chanCEs do we Get to Fall inTo a committed relatIonShip? Not Many i guEss. Till noW i still fEEL so. i Still REmember Telling my besT frienD someThing i neveR will Be AblE to havE the CourAge to say it OuT i.e the BiggESt MistAKe in My LiFE that i hAve made & how MucH i haTE myseLf for maKinG that mistakE & i will nEver be AblE to forGive mySElf till NoW. REaLly!

Don’T ask Me why becauSe i doubT i caN really tell You the Answer truthfullY i guess! YeS it’s true….humAns do makE misTAke & we LearN froM mistaKes, HoweVer neVer did WE realise A miStake we maDE can caused uS to reprimand ourselvEs for The stepS we Made….i Am juSt an ordinaRY woman learNing from Each and EVerY singLe day of My liFe…evERy StEP i TAke i paused FOr a WhilE…aFRAid To waLk FurTher thinKing That i CAn neVEr affoRd to Fall aGain…never aGain!

Till Now i Am still TRyiNg haRd to OvercoMe what i should oVErcoME…no MattEr hOw hard it is i am sTIll tryinG my besT…tIMe is what i Need but i don’t eVen know How lonG i need? maybe 6mthS, a year or eveN lonGer.

ThE REaL me is SomeOne who is so vulnERable in eveRy aspecTs of My life. i Am JusT someonE who lacks so so so mucH of self-conFIdence and self EstEem. SAdly, noone knoWs becaUse i can hiDe my FEelingS so well. FRienDs ard me see me As someOne who is jusT so cheerFul and HAppy but i am NOt.

SinCE thaT miSTAke i made…thE hatred i HAve towarDs myseLf…till noW i caN only reminD myself to takE every SIngLE step seriousLy & to bE responsibLE for whatevEr decisionS i havE chosen.

ALl of A Sudden…..memoRies camE runninG to ME………..!